


Not In That Way

by EriesSubjugates



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:24:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3062522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EriesSubjugates/pseuds/EriesSubjugates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benedikt and Mats pines neither of them knew about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not In That Way

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic happened when I heard Sam Smith's song. I do think this was prompted on Tumblr? I'm not exactly sure where because I only stalk--err look out for certain blogs.
> 
> Not really sure how I feel about the two of them pining at one another utterly hopeless...if you know what I mean.
> 
>  
> 
> Mistakes are my own, not beta-ed.

 

 

**_And I hate to say I love you_ **

**_When it's so hard for me_ **

**_And I hate to say I want you_ **

**_When you make it so clear_ **

**_You don't want me_ **

 

** Benni: **

 

They’re so close Benedikt began to hate it, not because he hates their unusual friendship but because he knew that they could not take things further. Things like bickering and playful flirtations they easily exchanged were pretty normal to both of them. They were fluid as footballers in the field, and one hell of a pair out of the field.

Some say they could be the next Schweinski.

But unlike their captain who always has Lukas with him, they weren't exactly like Bastian Schweinsteiger and Lukas Podolski. 

 

They were at ease with one another it hurts so much.

Benedikt watches helplessly as he interacts with her—she, who was holding him…She, who has him wrapped around her fingers and oh, they look so perfect for one another.

‘I love you. But I can never love you like she can.’ He wants to say when they were roomed together in the duration of the international week.

 

**_I'd never ask you cause deep down_ **

**_I'm certain I know what you'd say_ **

**_You'd say I'm sorry believe me_ **

**_I love you but not in that way_ **

**_And I hate to say I need you_ **

 

** Mats:  **

The glances that they both exchanged always made him feel weak. Mats longed for the warmth on those pale fingers. He wanted those fingers to linger on his face. He had no idea what Benedikt was saying, all the time his eyes were focused on his soft smile on Benedikt's beautiful face.

 

‘Do you like me?’ He mumbles.

 

Benedikt gives him a confused look. There was something in Benedikt’s eyes that he could not explain. He repeats his question,

‘Do you like me…I mean as a friend? I know I could be a dick sometimes.’

He was sure that the something seemed so wrong after he had asked Benedikt that question.

He ignored it.

 

He needs reassurance.

He needs to know if they’re still good.

He wants to love his best friend, but he has no right to feel it…even if repressing his feelings hurts.

****

**_I'm so reliant_ **

**_I'm so dependent_ **

**_I'm such a fool_ **

**_When you're not there_ **

**_I find myself singing the blues_ **

 

** Benni: **

He finds himself in Manuel’s place. He had explained everything to his friend. Manuel shoots him an incredulous look—he had no idea why. He is too drunk to care anymore. The world begins to spin, and he feels like singing.

‘I want him, but I can’t have him Manu. Don’t you see? I never even knew that I’m already in love with him. It just happened. I need him Manu. I have no idea what to do with all this shit I’ve got myself into.’ He babbles to a nodding Manu.

 

**_Can't bear_ **

**_Can't face the truth_ **

**_You will never know that feeling_ **

**_You will never see through these eyes_ **

**_I'd never ask you_ **

 

** Mats: **

Everywhere he looked reminded him of Benedikt.

It’s too overwhelming.

Benedikt’s stupid smile is all that he sees whenever he closes his eyes. All that Mats can think of when he could not fall asleep was Benedikt fretting over his thinning hair, Benedikt moving around their hotel room shirtless, Benedikt running with him in the field, Benedikt…Benni, Benni, Benni.

He twists and turns in the his bed slowly beginning to grow frustrated. When Mats could not bear being restless no longer, he grabbed his phone.

‘What I wanted to ask that time was, do you love me.’ He typed.

He chickened out before he could even hit send. His fingers hovered just a fraction shy on the send option of his phone.

When he settled back to his bed that night, he felt cold and he knew the reason why.

 

**_Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say_ **

**_You'd say I'm sorry_ **

**_Believe me_ **

**_I love you_ **

**_But not in that way_ **

****

** Benni: **

He was sure that what he heard was right. Perhaps ignoring Mats after the incident was the proper thing to do.

He decided that he’ll have to get used to not being around with Mats as much as he did before.

Benedikt thanked his luck, that they live far away from one another.

At the same time Benedikt also cursed his luck, because the distance between them, that is now also applicable whenever they are called up for international matches, is plain torture.

Benedikt doesn’t believe in God, but that night there was only one request that he made.

‘Lord,  you know what I ask from you. Don’t let me down.’

 

**_You'd say I'm sorry_ **

**_Believe me_ **

**_I love you_ **

**_But not in that way_ **

 

** Mats: **

Mats felt his heart sink when Benedikt greeted Manuel warmly instead of him. He’s losing the war, he knew it. He loved Benedikt more than he should. But he made no comment about it, nor was he going to do anything about it.

When Benedikt nods at him, he resisted the urge to pummel Benedikt into the ground and kiss him.

Benedikt would never love him like the way that he do.

It’s the truth. It’s the bitter pill that Mats had to swallow.

He refrained from asking Benedikt why he even bothered wasting his time spending it with somebody whom he can't have, why Benedikt even set his hopes up.

Because Mats knew that he shouldn’t ask for more.

.

.

‘I love you.’ That’s what they both wanted to say. But the words died before they could even utter it. Those three words that could have changed everything…

Those three words that could also ruin whatever it is they had.

They both hoped that in another parallel universe they weren’t footballers; instead they were regular citizens who didn’t necessarily need to have a façade to be put on.

 

They could be together.

 

But in another lifertime.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, shameless plug: 
> 
> If you're on Tumblr and you are willing to acquaint me more on the DFB and football in general, because while I get how the game works, I still have a lot to learn. Do follow me here:  
> http://shuerrleshirley.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you also have prompts, you can send it there. Or you could tweet me @Iceicebasti on twitter. Haha.
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
